


Heaven

by catherinelynnelove



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Multi, the major character death is a character who dies in the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catherinelynnelove/pseuds/catherinelynnelove
Summary: Keith has never been sure if heaven and hell exist. He's never been sure if he believes or doesn't believe. He's never been sure what heaven and hell evenmean,really. Slowly, he comes to understand, at least a little.T for Strong Language & Slurs, Homophobia, and Major Character Death
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Kudos: 14
Collections: AREA 69 WRITES SHIT





	Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> _A story of Keith coming to terms with what he believes and what heaven really means to him._
> 
> Inspired by the song ["Heaven"](https://youtu.be/8VNV__mV38s) by Troye Sivan.

“Is mom in heaven?”

Keith all but whispers the question, sat on the floor of their tiny shack with his knees to his chest. Tex looks at his son with a wrinkle in his brow. This is not a question he’d expect Keith to ask.

“I’m not sure,” Tex says, because he’s not. “She didn’t die, you know. She just… had to leave.”

Keith doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Tex looks down. He hates talking about Krolia with Keith, because Keith asks a lot of questions Tex can’t answer. He promised Krolia he wouldn’t tell Keith too much. She didn’t want Keith to miss her, because she knew they’d never meet.

Keith curls in on himself a little tighter. “Am I gonna go to heaven when I die?”

Tex has never discussed religion with Keith, because Tex has never been religious, and Krolia was a realist whose people didn’t even have the  _ concept _ of a Beyond, as far as he knew.

“What has you thinking about all this?” Tex asks instead of answering. He’s not sure what to say.

Keith is  _ eight _ . He has no reason to be concerned over what’ll happen when he dies.

“Nothing,” Keith says, trying to end the conversation. Tex just stares at him until he looks up and sighs, picking at a splintered piece of floorboard. “We learned about it in school, is all.”

“Your school is teaching you about heaven and hell?”

Keith nods, like it’s no big deal. Except it is a big deal, because Keith is very clearly upset by this.

“Keith, you don’t have to believe all the things they tell you in school, not if it doesn’t feel right to you. You know that, don’t you?” Tex says, firmly, and Keith nods again. “Alright. Well, to answer your question, if you believe in heaven and hell, of course you’d go to heaven. You’re a good kid.”

Tex moves to crouch in front of Keith, who stares up at him with his face forced blank. It makes Tex’s heart hurt, because Keith is eight, and he’s already learning to hide himself away.

“You’re a  _ good kid _ , Keith. Everybody makes mistakes, what matters is if you learn from them.”

Keith looks like he’s forcing back tears, and Tex realizes this conversation must go deeper than he can see. He cups his hands over Keith’s knees and Keith takes a few shaking breaths.

“So I’m not gonna go to hell because I don’t have a mom?”

_ So that’s what this is about. _

“Of course not,” Tex says immediately. “Having a mom or dad doesn’t determine anything about you, Keith. You’re not summed up by the things you’re born without.”

“But she  _ left _ . She left because she didn’t love me and she’s never coming back!” Keith says.

He’s crying now, his words stuttering as he struggles to breathe, and Tex kind of wants to cry too, now, because even at this age,  _ Keith doesn’t cry _ . He holds it in until he bursts, and usually, he bursts by punching another kid in the face at school because they were being an asshole.

Tex rubs Keith’s shoulders, giving the kid his space. “Keith, she didn’t leave because she doesn’t love you. She left because she couldn’t stay. She wanted to, but she couldn’t.”

“Why? Why couldn’t she stay?”

“I don’t know,” Tex says, because he doesn’t. “But I promise you, she loves you. She might be far away, but I  _ know _ she does. She loves you more than she loves the entire  _ universe _ .”

Keith sniffles, and his voice is all stuffy and nasal when he speaks. “That much?”

Tex shoots him a toothy grin. “That much. I swear.”

Keith squints at him. “Swear on the hippopotamus?”

“I swear on a hippo,” Tex says, holding a hand to his heart and putting on the most serious face he can muster. He’s still not sure how Keith got so obsessed with hippos, but here they are.

“Okay,” Keith says. He’s stuffed up and snotty and red in the face, but Tex can see the edges of a smile on his face. Success. “What is hell, anyways? Is that where gay people go?”

_ Oh, what a conversation this is. _

  
  
  
  


“What do people mean when they say gay people are going to hell when they die?” Keith asks.

Shiro is taken aback, because this is not a question he’d expect  _ Keith _ to ask.

“I mean, I’ve never really believed in heaven and hell,” Shiro says, because he hasn’t. “But if I did, I think hell sounds more like heaven than heaven does, if all the gay people are stuck there.”

It’s not a fresh take, but it makes Keith snort, and that’s all Shiro really wanted.

“Where did that come from, by the way?” He asks.

Keith is silent, and Shiro finally turns to look at him. Keith is sitting on Shiro’s bed, one knee held against his chest. He looks calm. He doesn’t meet Shiro’s gaze, because he knows Shiro can see right through that false calm, and that’s how Shiro knows something is _ really  _ bothering him.

“Keith?” Shiro insists. Keith sighs.

“Some kid on my flight team said I was staring at McClain and called me a faggot. Then some other kid rambled on about how gay people burn in hell because being gay is a sin.”

Yeah, this is the kind of shit that makes Shiro regret choosing to deal with teenagers as a career.

“Well, that’s really shitty,” Shiro says, mostly on reflex, and he’s rewarded by Keith staring at him in surprise. Shiro doesn’t swear often. At least, not in front of  _ him _ . “And also stupid.”

Keith is watching him, waiting for him to explain. Shiro climbs up to sit next to him on the bed.

“Look, people can say all they want about gay people being gross or whatever, but none of it is going to determine someone’s else path in life. People don’t become sinners because someone else says they are, they become a sinner by doing shitty things. And I mean  _ really shitty _ things.”

“That’s what my dad said when I was kid,” Keith says.

“Yeah, well, he was right. And none of it matters if you don’t want it to, anyways. It’s one of those things where you call all the shots and no one else has a say no matter how much they want to.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“By the way, who said those things to you? You should report them.”

Keith shrugs. “I never asked their name. Just punched them in the face for being dumb.”

Shiro is pretty sure he’s going to have grey hairs by the time Keith graduates.

He can’t bring himself to be mad, though, because it’s  _ Keith _ . He gets into way too many fights for being a first year student, but he never hits without a reason. And this time… it’s different.

This time, it feels like Keith was standing up for  _ Shiro _ , instead of the other way around.

If heaven and hell really do exist, there’s no doubt in Shiro’s mind that Keith would go to heaven.

  
  
  
  


_ “His end here on Earth is the beginning of an eternity in the presence of our God.” _

Keith doesn’t look at the TV screen,  _ can’t _ look, but he listens to a priest telling the world of Shiro’s ascent into heaven. He listens to a man who didn’t know Shiro, who will  _ never _ know Shiro, talk about how free he is in the presence of the Lord. Except Shiro didn’t believe in heaven or hell.

He remembers their conversation, so long ago. He remembers what Shiro had said, about how only the really shitty things send someone to an eternity burning in the fires of hell.

Shiro was a good person.  _ Surely _ , then, the priest is right. Shiro is in heaven, happy and free.

Shiro didn’t believe in heaven and hell. Keith, though, isn’t sure what he believes.

He just hopes Shiro really is happy and free.

  
  
  
  


“I think this is heaven,” Lance whispers against Keith’s skin, and Keith’s breath catches.

They’ve never talked about what _ this _ is. Some nights, some late nights when neither of them can sleep, Lance appears outside Keith’s door and they’ll lay together in Keith’s bed until morning.

Keith isn’t sure what _ this _ is, and it scares him, a little, that Lance calls it heaven.

“What do you mean?” He asks, pulling away from Lance. He can see Lance frowning in the dark.

“What do I mean about what?”

“You said this is heaven. I don’t get how this could be heaven.”

Lance doesn’t say anything, but Keith can feel him stiffen where they touch. Keith is already stiff. Keith knows he’s made all of this awkward, because they’re in the same bed, touching in almost every way possible, and Keith is making it awkward. But Lance’s words make his heart hurt.

Keith isn’t the one Lance loves. Allura is. Keith isn’t Lance’s best friend, either, because Hunk’s held that spot since  _ birth _ . And Keith isn’t even second to Hunk- Pidge is.

Keith isn’t anything to Lance McClain, Blue Paladin of Voltron, and it makes his heart hurt.

“I just meant that this is nice, but I guess that was just me.”

Lance’s words have venom behind them now, and it’s all Keith’s fault. Lance gets out of bed and leaves, and it’s all Keith’s fault, so he doesn’t stop him. His heart hurts more now.

Part of Keith understands what Lance meant perfectly. But that part of him is deep,  _ deep _ within.

That part of Keith really wanted to tell Lance that this was heaven to him, too.

  
  
  
  


“Do you think heaven exists?” Lance asks.

Keith knows Lance doesn’t believe in heaven and hell. At least, not the Christian one. But Keith knows why he’s asking, and the question hurts in a million different ways.

“I don’t know,” Keith says. “But if it does, Allura would be there.”

Lance shakes with unshed sobs, but he doesn’t cry. Keith doesn’t think he can. It’s been several hours since Allura’s funeral and they’ve all cried themselves exhausted. Yet, instead of resting or venting to Hunk or seeking comfort from Shiro or tuning out the world with Coran and Pidge…

Instead, Lance is with him, sat atop the blue lion and looking out at a sunset Allura will never see.

Allura, the one Lance loves. Loved.

Keith wants to get up and leave, because  _ he doesn’t belong here _ , but then Lance is leaning on his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his waist and suddenly, he’s completely frozen.

“Do you think she’s happy? If she is there, in heaven?” Lance asks, barely above a whisper.

Keith hesitates, because he’s not sure what the right thing to say is. He thinks of all the times he’s had a similar conversation, of all the things other people have told him. The sun dips lower.

“Yeah, I think she is.” He says.

Lance is silent for a long moment. He tightens his grip on Keith. “Thank you.”

Keith loops an arm around Lance’s neck and watches the sun disappear below the horizon.

“Anytime.”

  
  
  
  


“I think I understand what heaven means, now.” Keith says.

It’s early, too early. Cosmo is taking up the entire foot of the bed and Keith’s legs are pulled up to make room, tangling between Lance’s. Lance’s feet are cold against his. Thin rays of morning sunlight are shifting across Lance’s skin, sparkling in his eyes, illuminating him like a star.

Lance looks at him, eyes half lidded with sleep, and Keith can feel his stomach doing flips. His stomach flips, because he’s looking at his own personal sun, the center of his universe. 

Keith knows what heaven means.

“I love you,” Keith says, and Lance smiles.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've always had a very complex relationship with religion. I was raised Christian, and the way I was raised with it always left a bitter taste in my mouth regarding religion. This fic is basically me projecting all of that onto Keith and making it gay.


End file.
